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A group of Taliban religious leaders plans to market “Taliban Barbie”™ early in the New Year, according to investigative journalist Geraldo Rivera.
General Mohammed Sphincter explained to Mr. Rivera outside of Kabul that “Taliban Barbie”™ will help to reeducate members of the al-Qaida network along with its supporters.
“We are using American technology against the very infidels who invented merchandizing,” said General Sphincter from a cottage factory where he and twenty of his followers have set up a manufacturing cell to create Taliban Barbie.™
General Sphincter said that Taliban Barbie™ will help Moslem kids to appreciate their heritage. The general explained that Taliban Barbie™ is fabricated from liberated parts from Mattel, the original creators and manufacturers of Barbie.
“To assemble a Taliban Barbie™ is not that difficult,” said General Sphincter. “Essentially it’s pretty close to the American version, except our doll comes with a shroud and small piece of broken glass.”
“I understand that the shroud would be used to cover Taliban Barbie,”™ said Mr. Rivera. “It appears to be the same kind of cloth that you people use for a veil or burqa to hide the faces of your women. But I don’t understand what the broken glass is for.”
“The broken glass is to cut out Taliban Barbie’s™ evil little pussy,” said General Sphincter. “You see in our culture we remove the female clitoris so they will not have to worry about sexual desires. Sexual desires can cause a lot of problems for Taliban women.”
“Isn’t that painful?” asked Mr. Rivera.
“I don’t think so. Women simply make a big deal of pain. I am quite certain that the screaming that goes on during childbirth is greatly exaggerated.”
“It sounds to me like you are teaching your children a barbaric procedure,” said the American telejournalist.
“Let me ask you this. How many times have you been divorced, Mr. Rivera?”
“That’s none of your business.”
“You don’t have to get snooty,” said General Sphincter. “But the fact is if you Americans cut out the part of your wife’s pussy that gives her pleasure, you’d find that she would be less apt to stray from home.
“Allah has revealed to us that sex is not a thing that women are supposed to enjoy. It is for the making of children.”
“I think I know why you hide the faces of your women. They must be crying all the time,” said the Mr. Rivera.
“There you go again,” said General Sphincter. “Putting your own spin on an ancient and beautiful culture you don’t understand and have not taken the time to appreciate.”
“What about your spin? Why does your God who created everything with such perfection require your religious leaders to cut little pieces out of little girls to make them what you call normal?”
Mattel officials refused to comment on Taliban Barbie™ although they did confirm that they may be marketing a version of Taliban Ken.™ Taliban Ken™ is anatomically correct, featuring a smaller than average brain and no heart.
For more on the practice of female circumcision, click here.
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